If you follow my blog, you know I had an opportunity to speak with my ex husband a few weeks ago. I was happy for the progress I had made in healing my heart over the breakup of that marriage, so much so, I wrote one of those letters one writes but does not send to complete my thoughts.
It would go something like this......
"Sometimes we don't know how terribly broken we are until we are made to face it. I never knew how deep that well of hurt was until what happened happened. Without that heartbreak in my life, I would never have found the place I am in now. I love myself in a way I never knew possible. I can see now why things throughout my life happened the way they did. It all led me to this place of healed, happy and whole, and now able to help others to the same place. I am a certified Spiritual Life coach now, and host Zoom classes on self love. I have had participants from Spain, Australia, and England. While I feel accomplished in so many areas of my life, I think when talking with you, as I do with my mother, I tend to go into defense mode of who I am. In those moments, I become that hurt child all over again and go guard so to speak. I wanted you to know that I hold only love and goodwill towards you, and I am sorry if I made you feel guilty for what you did. You just did what you were supposed to do to help me become who I was meant to be, just like my mom did. We learn the most when we are broken the most, and you two broke me the most. I look forward to meeting up with you on the other side of the veil. You played your part well, and I will always be appreciative of that. You were one of the most painful parts of my life, for that I thank you."
It's weird to want to thank someone who tried to destroy you. I actually feel sorry for him and how broken he his. He will never know what true happy is in his life. He is always chasing the next best thing. I am also sad for his new wife. She will have to learn the same painful lesson I did. I saw a picture of her recently and could see the pain in her eyes. I wish I could warn her, but alas, it would fall on deaf ears, and I cannot rob her of the lesson she will learn from it.
It's a bittersweet moment - letting go of something....someone who hurt you so badly, watching him go on to try and destroy another life, and know there is nothing I can do about it, but hold compassion in my heart for both of them.
Thank you for breaking my heart Micheal. You were one hell of a teacher, but I finally learned the lesson.