As you know I have had to step back and take a deep dive back to the place that broke my spirit so long ago after learning that my ex had remarried. Working through this has required me to face the myths (lies) I have been telling myself and is going to require some inner magic to heal.
What myths you ask am I telling myself? We empaths and sensitive soul types have a deep well of hope that we draw from. While it can be helpful during a temporary set back in life, it can keep us hopelessly trapped in our pain if we hang on to the myth of hope. What do I mean by that? By hoping one day my mother or my ex husband would turn around and see how wonderful I am and fall in love with me - by hoping for the day this would happen, I have been keeping myself stuck in the holding/hoping pattern.
Myths are just that - a lie made up into a great story that we keep repeating to keep it alive. Take the myth of BigFoot or the LochNess Monster. Still today people report sightings of them both, and there are discovery television shows about the pursuit of these mythical creatures. In cases like that, there is some fun keeping hope alive. But lets say you meet someone who spent their entire life and all of their money at the cost of their family and friends looking for the BigFoot. Wouldn't we look at them and feel sorry for them stuck in that hopeless well? Yet we do it willingly by holding on to the myths we create in our heads about our own pain or loss.
It is very hard to wrap my heart and head around the fact that the two people who were supposed to love me don't, never did, and gulp, never will. That is the pain my heart is struggling with. The magic will happen as I create a new picture in my head to hold on to. Hope in the form of by letting go of the myth of them, I can open myself up to the possibility of a new honest love coming into my life. I have discovered the well of real love deep inside of me for me; I am connected to the love I have for my friends and the love they have for me. Those were big steps and I am so glad I have made them; but I have been blocking any new love coming into my life by holding on to the lie, the myth, the hope of them.
It is scary to think that I might meet someone to let into my heart. It is scary to think I will have to figure out how to trust a man again. So here again is the magic. I can create the myth of this new love and connect with that for awhile until I feel more ready to open up to the possibility of a new love coming into my life. I don't have to rush the process. In fact I won't. There is a lot of fun in creating my new myth of what he will be. What will he look like, what will he do, where will he live. Maybe a swashbuckling modern day pirate (a rich boat captain) or one of those hunky firemen who will swoop down and rescue my cat from a tall tree outside my castle. The possibilities are endless.
Of course who ever they are, they would have to love my kittens and my unicorn or there can be no love in the kingdom! Hey, it's my myth and my kingdom, so I get to make the rules! LOL