I am watching my mother go through the last days of her life. As there is a distance between us both physically and emotionally, it has given me a view to how your life choices play out in the end; your "Karma and Consequences" coming to fruition at the end of the play.
Don't get me wrong, I am not without emotion watching this happen, but it also is reminding me in a very up close and personal way, that we must face the music of our choices in this life. Every decision you make comes with a consequence. Decide to eat lots of donuts; choice - consequence - you gain a lot of weight. Decide to exercise and eat healthy; choice - consequence: you face less disease and age better. Decide to be mean and unkind - you finish out the game in an unkind way.
My mom lived a life of hurting others and only worrying about things "looking the right way" to outsiders. Our home was like a museum, choice - my father worked from 6 AM to 10 PM six days a week to pay for it - consequence. My mother never cared for emotional or physical well being; choice - now she is living our her last days in hell; consequence. She is totally bedridden, and can only use one arm and move her head. She is reduced to diapers and bedsores.
My brother is in the hard place of trying to figure out if he can bring her home to die versus putting into a nursing home. As we talked about it today, I reminded him how mom pulled her mother out of the house she lived in her whole life since they came to America. A house her father (my great grandfather) had built with his own hands, and still my mom put her in a nursing home. My grandmother, moved her mother, my great grandmother, out of the same home and put her in a nursing home. The karma of that decision has gone from generation to generation. So will my brother break the generational karma on that? Only he can decide for himself.
This has me looking at my life's choices and thinking about my karma and consequences. I try live by the golden rules of always do on to others as you would want done unto you, and to always leave the world a better place then when you got there. My litmus test is if I chose to do or not do something, how will I sleep at night? How will I feel about my decision when I put my head on my pillow trapped in my head with my own thoughts.
So here I sit with a birds eye view to the end of life......I don't want to go out the way she is - the suffering and being trapped in a body that no longer is viable. My dad left this world the way I hope to go - he stood up, fell over and was gone. No warning, no fuss, just gone. I figure he had cleared his karma and left with a clean slate. Go Dad! He was an awesome man, and my super soul guardian. I love you and miss you every day Dad XOXOXOXO
