I have been working hard to heal from my the trauma from childhood and from my last marriage to the narcissist. Part of my healing was learning that I alone am enough. In me I posses everything I need for a happy life. I even went so far to to have the words "I am Enough" tattooed on my forearm as a constant reminder that I hold the keys to my own happiness.
That same night I got a call from my ex. I believe Spirit wanted to be sure I really understood it's all in me. I had long forgotten the sound of his voice, so when he called I didn't even recognize who it was at first. I decided to stay on the phone and chat a bit. It was a cordial conversation, just small talk really, but in the end I walked away with this........... I felt NOTHING. Absolutely NOTHING for his person I was once so in love with. What a wonderful feeling to know the healing was complete.
I realize now in so many ways that had to happen the way it did in order for me to be where I am now. He had to break me down so badly, that I had no choice other than to heal or let it kill me. I will admit in the beginning, death would have felt better, but I would not trade anything for how I feel now.
If you are on this painful journey, I want you to know there is hope; there is happy and love just waiting for you inside yourself. You have to clear the bramble and thorns that have grown up around it in order to get there. Is is painful sometimes, hell yes, but when you reach that well, the joy and peace waiting for you will take your breath away.
It has been three and a half painful years to move through this and heal it once and for all. When you think of it, in a lifetime of 60 years so far, that is just a small drop in the bucket of time. I carried that wound from birth, let it fester and drive my life until I was finally gut punched at 57. My only regret was taking so long to wake up to the fact that I held the key.
So thank you Michael for breaking me so badly I had no choice but to heal. I guess in the end you were my soulmate; the kind you can't live with or be around, but the kind that hit you hard and made you have to face your demons.
