I have been playing on one of the more popular dating sites the last few weeks. In a previous post I wrote about the typical types you will find on the sites - from a female perspective on the males out there. Now I would like to talk about understanding the unique dating vernacular you need to become familiar with if you are going to put yourself out there.
I received a message from "Dave89" that said "I am looking for my lover and my partner, someone with integrity, who is honest, loyal and faithful. Someone who wants to be equal in all parts of life. Someone who is intellectually stimulating. Someone who will contribute to my life as much as I contribute to Hers. Someone with whom I share a certain unexplainable chemistry.Hope what I just said find you pretty well.There is a strong feeling saying to me to get to know you." Wow, how can I resist that. Let me explain.
What was "Dave89" really saying in that message. One of two things. "Dave89" was either trolling for someone with low self worth who would fall for all of that. Let's face it - until a few years ago, I would have thought I found my soul mate in that verbiage. He said all the things I longed to hear. Only now I know that is just how a narcissist trolls for women. They will offer you up just what they think you want to here, love bomb you to get you, and then start the destruction phase to keep you stuck. No thank you, I have already bought that tee-shirt.
The other message in that from "Dave89" if he is not trolling for the weak, is that I am so very needy and damaged, that I will take anyone at this point. Either way, "Dave89" is not in a mentally healthy place, so not on my list of desirable traits in a partner.
This is why learning to love yourself first is so vitally important to ultimately finding a life partner if you choose to do so. Without giving the love you would so freely give the "Dave89's" of the world, you open yourself up to the damaged souls out there looking for their next supply - their next source of energy, money, and resources - which has nothing to do with love.
Remember when a narcissist says they love you, that what they really mean, is they "use" you. I will "use" you all of the days of our lives together, which will be rather short in the scheme of things. But the damage they leave behind can leave life long scars.
Love you first, then learn the language. "The More You Know." This has been my PSA for the day. XOXOXOXO
PS - I wonder if the 89 in Dave's name is the number of women he as fooled with that line! LOL