We, the discarded ones of the narcissists, seem to think that they have somehow “won” at life. They leave us, often without warning and without a real reason why. We chase them to get answers, but never really get anything that will satisfy the question why? Why did they target me? Why did they leave me? Why did they have to hurt me so badly? There is never any real closure that we can get from them.
They on the other hand seem to move on oblivious to the path of destruction they have left behind. Oblivious to the pain and hurt they caused, and oblivious to the fact that they robbed us of our time, energy, resources, and love. They seem to move on to the next target without a care in the world.
It is hard to see them move on so quickly and so easily. We are replaced in mere minutes it feels. Some have replaced us before they left, and others do so with lightening speed. Remember, they need a host to feed on; they cannot survive on their own. They are empty inside.
So when you are tempted to think they “Won” because they have moved on so fast, step back and take a look at what they have “Won.” They have won another empty relationship where they will give nothing to their unsuspecting host. They will pretend to love their new host and declare them “special” or “different’ from anyone else they have been with. They will latch on to their new host’s resources (a place to live, money, food, happiness, etc.) And then they will hang on until they become bored or have used up the new host and leave her on the side of the road as trash.
They may look happy, but know this, they are no happier with their new host as they were with you. If we are honest, they were never really happy with us. They were happy to drain us, but that happiness is temporary, like when you gorge at an all you can eat buffet. It may feel good at the time, but afterwards you feel bloated and angry at yourself.
If there is a “Winner” I want you to know it’s us. While I don’t like to assign a title to what happened to us or where we landed, know that if there is a winner, it is us, the discarded. If we have done our work to heal the broken parts of us, we win. How…..when we love ourselves, we will never allow someone like that into our lives again. When we truly love ourselves we will never have to be destroyed again if we decide to fall in love with someone again, because we love ourselves more, and know that that love will never fade or leave us. It will never disappoint us. It is always there for us to enjoy because it lives inside of us. That brings true joy.
I may be single, but I am single by choice. He, on the other hand, is on his second relationship since he walked out on us. He is not happy because he is not capable of feeling true happiness. Poor Miss Norma, his first supply post us, he drained her in 18 months. His new gal, Nancy will probably be close to collapse by the time they come out of self quarantine. I can’t even imagine how much he is draining her resources through the pandemic. Remember they are empty inside, so need a host to supply them with everything.
So please as we all process what is going on in the world, and have free time to focus on ourselves, don’t fall into the trap of thinking they “won” because they moved on so fast. They are just gorging at the next pit stop on their path, and probably already planning their escape. If you have to label it, I call that “loosing” at life.
So take the hit, heal the pain, and learn what true happiness is and feels like. It’s called “Self Love” and it is awesome! Winner, winner, chicken dinner! LOL