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  • Writer's pictureRobin WillowMoon

The Winner Takes it All

Make no mistake, if you are in a relationship with a narcissist you are in a no win game with very high stakes. Your days will be filled with misery, degradation, and full on hostility. They have nothing on the inside of them, and want nothing more to exploit all that you have and then hate you for it.

I know these are harsh words, but it is the truth of it. I endured countless days of mental manipulation from him. Days on end of his "silent treatment" coupled with the "stare of hate" in his eyes. If I asked him to help me with something he would nastily say, "are you asking me or telling me?" Either way, he would not help.

So how do you know if you are with a narcissist. Here are a few big clues:

  1. They lack any empathy for others - this is a big one.

  2. They will not take any responsibility for problems in their life.

  3. They have an extreme need to be in control - but will accuse you of being a control freak.

  4. Very stubborn and very knit picky. Nothing you do will be good enough - ever.

  5. Thinks they are above society rules. They have few if any boundaries. They will say and do things that are purposely mean and hurtful, but then say you are too sensitive and took it wrong.

These signs are just the tip if the iceberg. One exercise I like to have my clients do is simply this: Get a small calendar you can keep with you, and at the end of every day, simply put a smiley face or a sad face based on how you feel the day went with your partner. At the end of the 4 or 5 weeks, take a look back and see how many days you were happy vs sad. Sometimes seeing it in black and white helps you realize the toll you are taking playing this game.

You cannot change them or love them enough to heal them. They are severely broken and will take all they can get from you and then walk away as if you meant absolutely nothing to them - thus winning the game and leaving you with nothing on the inside.

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