Never underestimate the power of your thoughts. I wrote the other night that I had finally made it to 100 days of no contact with him. During the week leading up to the 100 day mark I was consumed with thoughts of wanting to talk to him. Had I not deleted his number from my phone, I am sure I would have caved in and called him.
I also tortured myself with thoughts like, “Doesn’t he even miss me?” “Doesn’t he want to see how I am after what he did to me?” “Did I mean nothing to him?” Of course I knew the answers to these questions like the back of my hand by now…..No, No, and you didn’t.
Still the obsessive thoughts would not let up. Day 101 rolled around and as I was driving home from work, my cell phone rang. (Anyone who knows me is aware that I drive with my blue tooth in, because I cannot look at my cell phone and keep my car on the road. ) I answered and heard that familiar voice on the other end of the line……. “Hello, it’s Florida Mike.” Here is the great part…..my heart did not skip a beat like it used to when I heard his voice. It just flat lined. I responded with “hello – it’s been awhile.” He proceeded to tell me about a change at his job, and then asked how I was. We chatted for a moment more, and then as he used to do in the past, said he had to get back to work and ended the call.
Here’s the thing. I felt nothing. Not happy, not sad, not the wreck I used to be…..just nothing. It was like chatting with any stranger that would happen to be calling you to set up your cable appointment; just a benign conversation. I did appreciate for one brief moment that he actually remembered who I was, but that was it. Nothing………
Who knew the key to moving past this was “No Contact.” I am so excited to be able to go for the next 100 days and know that with each day that passes it takes me further away from him and all of the damage he left behind.
I feel like it is almost as if he knew I was getting stronger and pulling away from him; that he was losing his grip on me, and tried to see if he could put me back in that place of hell called "Limbo" he kept me in. So to quote a very wise man from a movie....."It's time to get busy living, or get busy dying." Either way you are doing something to move yourself out of the hell of "Limbo."