I know it's been a little while since I have had time to write. One of my kitties decided to eat about a foot of ribbon, so needed emergency surgery to have it removed. I guess he was trying to make his poop look pretty. I will never know what goes on inside their heads, but I am grateful he is doing well post op. He is no worse for the wear, but mom sure was nuts during the ordeal.
On a good note, I was listening to an old playlist I made on YouTube the other day. The song "Glory of Love" came on and I totally had one of those "Ah Ha" moments. In case it's been a while since you heard it, here are some of the lyrics:
You've got to give a little, take a little,
and let your poor heart break a little. That's the story of, that's the glory of love.
You've got to laugh a little, cry a little, until the clouds roll by a little.
That's the story of, that's the glory of love.
You've got to win a little, lose a little, yes, and always have the blues a little. That's the story of, that's the glory of love. In that moment - it was like hearing those words for the first time. I finally got it. Love is not a promise of happy ever after. Not even close; as all relationships will end either through divorce or death. The only love that is eternal is the love we have for ourselves. That never dies. It goes with us as we cross over through the veil. The other lightning bolt was this.......What a gift it was to fall in love with someone so deeply and with all of my heart even though it was a lie for him. He really didn't exist the way he presented himself to me. But I loved him in every sense of the word, with my heart, my head, and my body. You can't experience a love that deep without the other side of it - extreme heartbreak. Like they say, you can't know joy without sadness, warm without cold, so I could never have known a love like that without knowing the gut wrenching pain of a broken heart. But at least I got to love like that once in my life. I can now cross that off my bucket list. Don't get me wrong, going through the discard from the narcissist, especially since I am an empath, was one of the most painful heartbreaking times of my life. Would I ever want to live through that again.....hell no! But, I am glad I got to do it once. I know now how it feels to be consumed by love, and how it feels to be lost in that love and pain when it's over. I know how it feels to be lost in the agony of a one sided relationship to a man who vowed to love me till death do us part. Here's the other good news.......I survived it. I know it was questionable some days whether I would make it through it or not, but I did. Now I look at the entire experience as a badge of honor. I loved, lost and lived through it. I loved on a level a lot of people will never know. I know he will never know how he was loved by me, and will never know the value of what he so carelessly tossed in the garbage pile. Had that not happened to me, I would have never gone on this quest to find self love. Now I give that love I gave to him to me. And you know what? I will never have to know that kind of pain again in this life, because I promise to love and honor me all the days of this life and into the next one. Now that's the Glory of Love!