The time has come for me to start to care for all the parts of me. I have been doing my soul work to heal the wounds that made me think I was somehow damaged and unlovable; the parts that allowed me to stay in a loveless abusive marriage for seven long years. It’s time to start caring for the outer body, and the mind along with the soul.
I have set a goal for myself to do one healthy thing for my body every day. If I start too big, I won’t stick with it, but one thing a day I can do. Maybe it’s to drink one extra glass of water one day, or eat one less Oreo, but by golly I will do one healthy thing for body every day. In a year’s time, that is 365 good deeds to help make amends to my body for what I have done to it. I have heaped on the abuse, through years of stress, poor diet, lack of exercise and lack of sleep. I have betrayed it totally, but here is the great thing…..it has not betrayed me. It has held up pretty well for the 58 years of abuse I put it through. Now is the time to care for it the way someone who loves themselves would – to honor it, not punish it.
I have also decided to start taking classes online to earn a four year degree. At this point in my life it is not for anything but the sheer satisfaction of saying that I did something from start to finish. Plus as an added bonus, it will distract me as I work on eating that one less Oreo a day! LOL A healthy mind, a healthy body and a healthy heart does a soul good.
I can’t say that there isn’t a little part of me that feels the best revenge I can take against my ex narcissist will be to heal fully – body, soul and mind. My dream would be to take a picture of me holding my college diploma in front of my Mercedes with my new smoking hot bod and “accidentally” send it to him, just to show him that I not only survived his shit, but went on to do well for myself without him. I doubt I will send it, but it’s just a great vision to hold on to right now.
I am really excited to start this next phase of the healing. I am ready for it now because I have the strength and energy to do it since I am not carrying around his load of crap on my back anymore. I guess I can say I already lost 170 pounds ............of him! LOL