About a month ago I became obsessed with a puzzle app that I downloaded on my iPad. I really didn’t think anything about it at the time, but noticed more and more, when I have some down time, I like to sit and build puzzles. It requires focus, as I try to sort through 400 pieces on that small screen.
I mentioned this fact to a friend recently, and she made this connection; as I am trying to put the pieces of my heart back together, it would make sense that I would be drawn to building puzzles. I would have never looked at it like that, but she is right. Our soul and our body will tell us what it needs if we remain silent enough to listen.
I am coming to terms with the damaged this relationship caused me, and am beginning to understand why I allowed this to happened, and why I stayed in it for so long. When there is no self love, the puzzle you are building is so ugly and painful to you, you just slam the pieces together to try and make them fit, but it doesn’t feel right, and the picture is distorted.
To build these puzzles from the app, I have to study each piece, and look for the subtle nuances of pattern and color in order to find where the piece belongs. I realize now if I had studied my marriage with this precision, and persistence, I would have not stayed in such an unhealthy place and allowed this much damage to be done to me. In the end, I allowed it to happen.
My abusive childhood and life full of bad decisions made from that place of self hatred was a puzzle I built and paid for with pieces of my heart and pieces of my soul. I understand now that I can create a new puzzle from where I am at this time of my life. I can design it, scatter the pieces, and have the fun of building it piece by piece until its beauty is revealed.
So as we gather up the broken bits of our lives, know that we can decide how to put the pieces back together in a new way that makes us strong, and beautiful. We can determine what our new life will look like, and then start to build it one beautiful piece at a time.