Oops I did it Again!
Updated: Feb 25, 2019
Remember a few days ago when I wrote about being in “No Contact” mode with the ex narcissist; well apparently I forgot that last night. The ex “Narc” sent me an email; I hadn’t blocked his account because we never communicated via email. He asked if there was some way we could be friends, something I know he does not have many of, go figure.
Against my better judgment I responded with a nice heartfelt note explaining why I could not be friends with him at this time, and that I needed to heal and get him out of my heart before I could even think of being friends with him. (I know how stupid for even to even think that was an option.) I also took the chance to say some of the things I wanted to say to him to help me with closure. I wasn’t mean-spirited about it, just really wanted to understand a few things, the main one being: when he left he said he didn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone, and wanted to live alone. I pointed out that I was confused because he moved right in with his new gal, and is in a relationship with her. So I asked the question, was it just me you didn’t want to be with because your actions don’t match your words. I wished him well and told him I hoped he found his happy, and that I need to go find mine. I never expected a response, but he did and hooked me once again. When will I learn, I’m worth more than scraps????
He wrote that he was just dashing out the door and didn’t have time for an in-depth response, but that he would write later. Of course, I have not heard a word from him since…..just the sound of Florida crickets chirping in the night.
So now I must take my lumps and remember not to play with fire again. A wise friend of mine told me that communication with him on any level is like getting into a cage with a bear….I will not come out of the cage without some pretty major flesh wounds. Lesson learned, I hope.
I am writing this in real time, as it is happening to me, so that as I learn to set healthy boundaries, and learn to love myself, you can take the journey with me. If you have any ideas on how to love yourself, please share them with me. No suggestion is too silly to try. I will give them all a go, and report back to you with my progress.