I did some interesting reading over the past two weeks about PTSD and Narcissism. Some were various articles about being raised by a narcissistic mother, and some were about PTSD. It never occurred to me that growing up as I did with a mentally ill mother, that I suffered from PTSD.
PTSD, I thought, was something military people suffer with after getting back from war. I can't even imagine the horrors they have seen, and then have to find a way to live with the memories of that. Not once did I ever equate being beaten as a child, while being mentally mind fucked on a regular basis by my mother would cause me to have PTSD. What caught my eye in one article was that a crying baby can set someone off who has PTSD. Also loud noises and or arguments.
My Spirit guides, who are amazing, lined things up perfectly for me to be brought to me knees so I could heal. Not only was I raised by a narcissist mother, was married to one for seven years, and to add to that, during the last 4 years of my marriage to the narcissist, and still today, I manage a pediatric clinic. Yes that is right, I run a pediatric clinic where babies come to scream. On what cosmic planet would all of that have lined up so nicely. I was going to be forced to face and heal my damage, as it was all around me for real.
I am proud to say that I have spent the time to heal myself since he walked out on us, and now know that I suffer from PNTSD - Post Narcasist Traumatic Stress Syndrome, (I made that up myself) Finally my demon has a name. With this knowledge, I can now work on the last few broken pieces of my soul and use this knowledge to help others to heal. After all, isn't that what this life if for; to be of service to others.
It would make my heart happy to have something good come from the hell that was my life. I am now starting to look forward to this new chapter I am writing; the final frontier of my own broken soul - dealing with PNTSD. Knowledge is key, and then sharing the knowledge to help others to heal is the way to happy, whole and peace.
Namaste my fellow PNTSD survivors, for we will survive.
