Let me start by saying, never, and I mean never, unblock them from your phone. I have this love/hate relationship with myself and when I am in the "hate" phase I like to lie to myself and tell myself that one day the ex will feel bad about what he did to me and live to regret it. It's a sweet lie, but a lie full of poison that only makes me sick.
Case in point, he went no contact with me last November, so I kept him unblocked thinking I was safe. In a low moment when I was hating myself, I reached out to him via text. Well one text led to another, the lies kept growing bigger and bigger in my head and then we had a phone conversation yesterday.
Just as my sweet poison of a lie was telling me he would show some type of remorse about what he did, he lays this on me. He hasn't reached out since November because he is in a relationship with a gal he met on "OK Cupid," and that they have been living together since November. Now I understand why he went no contact in November. I knew in my heart he probably had already hooked up with someone after discarding Norma, but it was still hard to hear it said out loud.
He stated that this time it was different, that this time he is happy. I asked him like and idiot, why does he think this will end any better than his past relationships, including ours. And here is were the gut punch comes. He said, and I quote, "She and I are compatible. Our relationship failed because of you. You and I were not compatible." He went on to say that he stopped being happy after our first year together. I was floored. My only response was, then why the hell did you marry me? To which he said, "I guess I should not have." WTF!
Now I can't say I wasn't initially hurt by what he said. I allowed myself to cry for the cruel things he said, but then it came to me. I survived a vicious attack by a serial heart killer. I SURVIVED! Not only am I still standing, I rebuilt my life to even better than it was before. I love myself now. I did have to "Hate him to Love Me" (see previous blog post.) My tears were only for the truth being laid bare to see. I can no longer believe the lie I tell myself - the lie that he will ever feel bad about what he did.
In the end, he was right; he and I were not compatible. I am kind, generous and loving. He is none of those things, so of course he was/is not comfortable around me. How glad I am for that. I am not compatible with a serial heart killer. That is AWESOME news. Perhaps that was the last bit of knowledge I needed from him. I hope and pray the block on my phone stays on forever. I hope and pray that I learned from him all the lessons I needed to learn. All I can do now, is let him go completely.
Michael, You are a SERIAL HEART KILLER. You have left a trail of heartbreak, broken promises and broken dreams. I hope you are proud of your body of work.
