I'm Done Banging My Head Against the Wall
One of the most profound moments I had in therapy was when I asked my therapist, when will I know it's time to leave. When will I know when I have had enough. To which she replied, " When you are done banging your head against the wall, you will know, and not one moment sooner."
She is absolutely right. The miracle finally happened. There was no fanfare, no big "A Ha" moment, it was just a total feeling of "I am done with this." Yesterday I took a really good selfie, and we all know how hard that can be. Up to my recent past, my thought would have been to send a text to my ex with the photo along with some type of innocuous message aimed at getting him to respond since he has gone no contact with me. But the thought did not even cross my mind until later in the day, and when it did, I thought better of it. The question I asked myself was "Why?" "Why would you send this to him?" The answer was simple, "I don't really care to send him any bit of me or my energy anymore. There is nothing there for you. I'm done with him and all of this wasted emotion."
I have tried so hard to push him out of my head and heart these past 26 months, and then miraculously out of the blue one day, I looked up from all the emotional wrangling I had been doing, and noticed that he had quietly slipped out of my energy space. He was gone. He is gone. And that is just that. All that lives in that space now is peace. Peace of mind and peace of the soul.
It's funny this all took place yesterday, Valentines Day. I really did find true love. We met on Valentines Day. I met my own heart, and she is the love of my life. Thank you Universe. I get it now! XOXOXOXXXO