I know it has been some time since I posted. I was off doing some deep healing that needed to be done. I had the chance to have a quantum hypnosis session that really pulled out the last roots of my narcissists' mother damage.
How the session works is they take you to a place where you can feel safe and peaceful. Then they took me up to a cloud to watch the scene unfold - see it - not feel it. What I saw was kind of horrific for me. I realized I had spent lifetimes chasing after my mother (and my ex who was her proxy) trying to get something she had promised me but never gave me. She appeared as a "snake oil" salesman and sold me a bag that was supposed to be filled with love, harmony and all the magic of life. What I got was a bag of shit. I ran after her to get the "real" bag, but was never able to catch her in that life. The horrific part was that I had done this over many lifetimes; I wasted many lifetimes chasing her to no avail.
This also shed light as to why she never loved me. I was never hers to love. I chased her for the "magical bag" - so she was never meant to be my mother. I chased her and she ran from me. Let that sink in for a moment - it wasn't that she didn't love me, it was that she was never meant to love me. In fact she was there to teach me a lesson all those lifetimes ago, that I never learned.....till now.
So it's over - no more ruminating about it, no more asking why she didn't love me, or how could my ex have treated me so cruel. Nothing is left but the enlighten soul of a woman who now understands the truth of it all.
Please if you are struggling to find love in your life, stop at nothing to heal yourself first. That is the key to it all. You teach and show people how to love you by how you love you. Master that and you will be surrounded by love.
To that end, I am going to continue writing but with more of a focus on educating people on how to spot the narcissists red flags early on so you get away sooner, and more importantly on how you learn to fall in love with you! Stay tuned; I'm back and rested up!
PS - If you are local to Huntsville AL and want to book a session with the hypnotist I worked with - send me a message - she is awesome!