I spent this past weekend hiding in my bed on Saturday, and crying in it on Sunday. Why you ask; because I allowed myself to spend too much time with my thoughts. When we are in a place of great trauma, stress or depression, all the wonderful feelings being discarded by your narcissist leaves you with, your thoughts often lie to you.
Mine sound something like this: He never loved you, he just used you, so no one else will ever love you. If you allow yourself to get involved with someone again, they won’t love you either, they will just use you. You are defective, because everyone who you fell in love with left you. And the worst lie of them all, the one that causes me the greatest pain, is when I allow myself to think that maybe one day he will come back. That one is the most dangerous one, the biggest lie I tell myself.
I have been reading a book called “Un-Fuck Yourself.” The chapter I read tonight said, you are not your thoughts, you are what you do. So what am I doing about this situation in my life? I spent the weekend in depression and misery over my discard. Did that help me to move on? No. Did it help me to achieve my ultimate goal of being happy just as I am and knowing my worth? No. So now would be a great time to “Get Action” to quote Teddy Roosevelt, someone else who struggled with depression and great heartbreak in his life.
We can’t deny our feelings, but we don’t have to allow them to become who we are. When the thoughts come and want to derail you or take you down that dark hole of depression that is when it’s time to “Get Action.” That is when it’s time to do something that will bring you closer to the life you want to have, not the one your lying thoughts are setting up for.
What could I have done this weekend to change the way I spent it? When the rumination and lies started up, I could have acknowledged them, spoke truth to them, and then took action. What would that look like? Let’s take the biggest lie – he might come back one day. The inner dialogue would be saying, well that is a nice thought, but that’s a lie that will keep you stuck and waiting for this big day to arrive. Why not get busy living and building the life you want. You don’t really want to go back to living in that hell anyway; you are just feeling the addiction. Perhaps take a walk till the thought clears, or watch a good move, read a good book, grab coffee with a friend. Anything, do anything to move the energy towards the life you want, not the life your deceitful thoughts are weighing you down with.
So “Get Action.” Take the steps to get out of your head, allow the thoughts to pass through you, rather than take up residence, and then repeat after me……I am not my thoughts, I am my actions. I am not my thoughts, I am my actions.