A wise person once told me that I would not complete my healing with the same people in my life that I had when I started this journey. She explained that as I changed and set boundaries with people based on loving myself, that some would not like the "new me," and either push back or end the friendship/relationship.
My first thought was how sad that would be, as I have had some of these friends in my life for years; but as time passes I see she was right. I guess it has to be that way. Kind of like when and addict tries to get clean, they cannot hang around other active addicts, lest they be pulled back into that life. I guess it's the same for the broken self loathers like me.
I grew up in a home devoid of maternal love. The seeds of self hatred were planted early in my life, and grew well. The friends I had in my life tended to be either "takers," "users," or people with no boundaries. I clung to them and gave of myself willingly, especially to the men in my life to just to feel like I was wanted or belonged somewhere. I was like that until the past few of years when I shut down to heal myself. As you can imagine, that did not go over well with some of the people from my past.
The good news is, that as I was working on healing myself and those people from my past were slipping away, new kind and loving people started to come into my life. The friends I have now love me for just being me, not what I can do or give to them. My ex, Mike was the last hold out from my old life. He was last person that I will ever allow to use me. Why, because I am worth more than that.
I still have a hard time with the fact that someone who found me un-attractive, and did not love me on any level, married me for no other reason than to drain me of my resources; my time, my energy, my vitality, my love, and of course my money. I guess in a way I did drive him from me. As I stood up for myself and started to set boundaries like, get a job and contribute or get out, that he was bound to run away like the coward he was.
So in the end, you will not finish the race with the people you started with - but oh how wonderful that news is. As we let go of the pain and the past, we make room for the new, the healed, the happy, and the love to come into our heart and into our lives.
So keep up the hard work, because it is so worth it.......Seasonal friends teach us things we need to learn, and then it's is time to let them go. That is the only reason they are in our lives. They were never meant to stay.