I cannot say that I am sorry to be seeing 2018 go. It was not one of my better years. It was a year that required me to change and grow and be strong in ways I never thought possible. My heart was shattered into a million tiny pieces by someone who didn’t love me , but whom I loved deeply. I am changed now. I can never again be who I was when this year started. The broken pieces of my heart no longer fit together the way they used to. I had no choice but to start over.
The Japanese have a tradition of fixing broken pottery with a special gold lacquer. It’s known as a “golden repair.” They value their pottery so much that they are willing to fix it with gold - making it more interesting and more valuable. Just think of that; when broken and repaired, you are now more valuable than the original. Wow - I’m just taking the depth of that in myself.
As I slowly picked up the broken pieces my life, and spent a good part of this year putting myself back together; I had no idea that in doing so I was raising my own value. I started putting myself back together with a special lacquer of gold called “kindness.” My “kindness repair” will shine like gold when it is dry. It will let others know that I value myself enough to fix my broken heart with gold. Those that can see the beauty in the brokenness of it will be the people I hold near to me. Those that only see a broken bowl, well they can just keep on walking. I no longer feel the need to have people who can’t see the beauty of my life, in my life. If I have to beg, convince, or persuade someone to see my value, then they just are not part of my soul tribe, and that is OK. It’s all going to be OK.
I was once so broken that all the light of the world came pouring in - and it was overwhelming and painful. As I pieced myself back together and sealed the shards back together with gold, the pain started to recede, and love started to fill the empty space.
Maybe 2018 wasn’t so bad after all.