I came across this great quote from Michael Singer last night, author of my favorite book, The Untethered Soul. He states: “The prerequisite to true freedom is to decide that you do not want to suffer anymore.” It had a profound impact on me. I can choose to stop suffering over the divorce anytime I want to. So why have I chose to continue to suffer?
At this point it has been a little over fourteen months since I last saw the ex, about seven months since he informed me he was sleeping with his Norma Jean, and fourteen days since we last spoke. I have suffered this loss all I care to at this point. He is not suffering the loss one bit, so why should I?
I am not really even angry anymore…..I just want it done. I’m done making myself miserable over this. Why cling to the memory of someone who clearly doesn’t want me. What more do I need to know, see, do or hear, to finally figure out it’s over. I can stop beating myself up about it and stop wondering why, why, why did this happen.
A wise therapist once told me that when you have had enough of a situation you will just know. She said it’s like beating your head against a wall; one day you just stop because you had enough - you will just stop. To others it may look like you just gave up, but you haven’t. You beat it out of your system and knew instinctively when to stop. I have hit the wall enough times now, and I choose to stop.
I am ready to release the hurt and the pain of all of this and get on with my life. I have spent the last fourteen months crying, healing, redecorating, writing, preparing for this moment and now it’s here. Coincidentally, I just finished remodeling my bedroom to rid it of any of his energy - I just love synchronicity. My spirit feels lighter and I am ready to get back to living life; really living life, not just going through the motions every day.
My soul is telling me it’s time for a trip to my mother country – New Orleans. I feel so at home there. Not so much the touristy parts, but the city itself feels like home to me. Such good food, such a place of peace for me. So I will indulge my soul and take that trip because I am done suffering and am ready for some peace. It’s a choice I am ready to make.
