I look at life now as divided into chapters. “Chapter One” was my childhood - and if you follow my blog we all know how horrible that was. “Chapter Two” has been every moment of my life from when I left my family of origin up until this moment. It had some highs and lows, but was always wrapped in a scared sad depression. “Chapter Three” started today, August 3, 2019. How appropriate because it’s my maternal grandfather’s birthday - and I loved him to pieces. I didn’t plan it this way, it just all came together today. Maybe he planned it just that way for me!
I took a morning float in my hot tub enjoying some coffee and listening to the sound of the early morning birds chirping and the waking up of the world around me. I looked up through the trees, and it became clear to me, I love the life I am living. The best is not yet to come, I am living the best every day. It’s here, it’s arrived!!! If we think it’s yet to come, it will always keep us searching. When we realize it’s here in the small moments of every day, well, how exciting is that!!!
Nothing really changed today, other than my eyes opening up to realize all that I have. I have spent the last year focusing on the loss of my husband, and prior to that the loss of my innocence and the abuse from my mother. I couldn’t see all that I had because I was so focused on what I didn’t have.
I am excited about this chapter because it will be written from a place in me that has had no voice until now, and it’s talking and moving me forward. I am comparing online colleges now and going to start and complete a four year degree program in American History. This is something I always wanted to do, just never took the time or thought I was worth it. I will be in my middle sixties when I complete it, but who cares, because it’s just for me!
I am also starting to lose weight again. I always knew that as long as I held on to my girth, I was still protecting myself from the outside world. I don’t need protecting. I look at the life I have built and know that my own inner warrior goddess can handle what life throws at her. After all, look at what she has survived so far. She is AMAZING!