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  • Robin WillowMoon

Acceptance

The question most people want an answer to is "How long will it take for me to get over this breakup?" The conventional answer was always half the time you spent in the relationship, so since the ex and I were together for 7 years, it should take 3.5 years for me get over it. Still others will say it takes as long as it takes however long that may be.




My personal experience has been, six hundred and twenty three days. Six hundred and twenty three painstaking days of tears, anger, depression, rage, suicidal thoughts, numbness, and just existing through my daily life. The reason I know preciously how many days it has taken is there is an app for that of course called "Days Since" that I utilized at some point after he left.



Somewhere over the course of that time I have learned that I have value and am worthy of so much more than he gave, which was nothing. I no longer have to try to be pleasing to someone who one can never please, because I value myself more than that. If you have to "sell" yourself to someone, or "convince" them to love you, then the are not the one for you. Hard as that may be to hear, if you back out quickly, you will save the inevitable heartbreak that is coming your way.




Michael felt like "home" to me when we met. There was something familiar about the way he loved me that felt right. I now know it was because he loved me like my mother did, which was not at all, and emotionally abused me like my mother did, so it was natural that he felt like home. When you grow up that way, you learn to think that is how love feels, how it's suppose be.



The part I am most happy about, is now when I think of him, as I still do most days, he is "over there" in my mind. He has moved out of my present, and has settled as a memory in my past. It's a subtle shift, but one that brings peace to my heart. He is firmly a part of who I used to be. I have no desire to reach out to him anymore, to know how he is or what he is doing. I can hardly remember his voice, his touch, or feel his presence in my home.



So I have finally reached "Acceptance" in my stages of grief, and for that I feel blessed. How long did it take you ask? Six hundred and twenty three days.

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