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  • Writer's pictureRobin WillowMoon

A Scale, A Bed, and a Trauma Bond

When my narcissist ex-husband discarded me, all he left behind, besides me, was a bathroom scale, a mattress he had custom made, and the trauma bond he worked so hard to make during our marriage.

He left his cheap black plastic bathroom scale for me so I could monitor my weight; which he was never happy with. After he left it took the scale into the back yard and beat it with a sledge hammer, and then replaced it with a pretty glass and chrome digital one that I love. I have watched my weight go down over the past thirty months since I no longer have to eat his shit anymore and I am not eating my emotions.

The trauma bond was much harder to break than the scale. If only I could have beat it to death with the sledge hammer when I broke the scale. But I am happy to say, thirty months later after many tears, therapy appointments, long dark nights of the soul, and the soul tie cutting ceremony, that the trauma bond has been severed, never to be mended again. I think when I dumped the ashes of my marriage and the memories of him created during the soul tie cutting ceremony into the discarded toilet down the street, that put the death nail into the bond. Such a fitting place for him to be; hauled off to a landfill, never to be heard from again.

Prior to the soul tie cutting ceremony, one of the things you are asked to do is to discard anything of theirs from your home. Artwork, furniture, dishes, souvenirs , anything that has their energy or memories tied to it. The only thing besides a few digital pictures I had left from him was our bed. He had it custom made from some company in Atlanta Georgia when we first bought the house. He made a big deal that he was going to leave it behind for me. A token gift for the seven years I spent loving him while he mentally tortured me. Wow, what a guy and what a trade off. Lucky me!

Well I am happy to say that as of today, I no longer have the mattress he had made for us. It has been given to a new home, and I am now totally free of anything he left behind; but for some memories. Ironically, last night I had dreams of him all night in different real life situations where he let me down every time. It was kind of a cleansing of the mind, I hope, being that it was to be the last night I spent on that damned mattress.

I have chosen to think of him as dead now, so that I can enjoy the few happy memories I have from the love bombing stage in the beginning. I can choose to remember anything I want from our time together, so I choose the fake Michael - the one I thought was my split apart when we first met.

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