I was listening to some YouTube videos about narcistic behavior - as I often do so that I stay current for my clients - when I stumbled upon one that changed my entire perspective on my discard from my narcissist ex husband, Michael.
In the video the presenter was saying that when a narcissist discovers that you know what they are and that the game they are playing will change significantly - in that they are in eminent danger of losing your endless supply, they will often cut and run. I had heard this before, but never fully let it sink in......they cut and run when they are found out.
Towards the end of the relationship with Michael, I was giving him articles to read about Asperger Syndrome as a way to understand the why behind the mean things he often said to me, and the other equally abhorrent behavior he displayed towards me. At his point I still did not know what a narcissist was - as the impending discard and subsequent research was yet to come. I even did one of those tests for him where they say if you have more than X number of these traits you most likely do have Asperger's. He had 16 of 20 they listed, so Asperger's it was in my mind. How else could I allow him to treat me the way he did on a daily basis? It had to be some sort of disease.
Little did I know that as I was looking for answers to what was happening, he was planning his get away. Looking at it now I understand he "ran away" when he knew he was going to be discovered for what he was - and that has helped me to take my power back. I was discarded in every sense of the narcissist's world, but in the world of healthy people, he simply cut and run, the very actions of a coward.
Fully understanding this fact has helped me to really understand how much self love it took for me to start that research, there-by causing my marriage to end. He ran away, I was not thrown away. That one sentence has changed my perspective and has helped to heal the last parts of my wounded heart.
Yeah me!!!! I had value all along, he was just a coward.