Today marks 100 days since the ex metaphorically passed away. 100 days since I last spoke with him; because you can’t talk to a dead man. I think there needs to be some sort of fanfare when we hit these big milestones; like the “chip” recognition like they use in most of the “12 Step” programs. Maybe for those of us working towards letting go of a toxic relationship we could get various incarnations of a skull and crossbones, or maybe miniature haz mat suit. Something to mark the strength it took to go no contact with your poison.
I would like to tell you that this 100 days of no communication from him was easy. It was for the first few days because I had some righteous anger to hold on to from our last conversation. But when that wore off, the days became more of a struggle. I am eternally grateful that I deleted his number from my phone so when my resolve began to waiver, I couldn’t fall.
What I am left with on the evening of this big day, is the thought that in those 100 days, not once did he try to reach out to me. I don’t know if I would have even responded, but think about it. I go missing for 100 days from his life, and not one phone call, text, email, smoke signal, nothing. If that doesn’t tell you how often I cross his mind, nothing will.
The simple fact is I don’t cross his mind. When a narcissist discards you, you are much like a broken old toy that they tossed away and completely forgot about. And that is the hard reality of it. While I counted the days, he was blissfully unaware of my existence.
So I am going to reward myself with a mini skull and crossbones key chain to mark this special day. 100 days of no exposure to his toxic soul. In 100 more days, I think I will spring for the haz mat suit, stuff it with some batting, and commence to beat the crap out of it. Wow, I am already smiling thinking about that day. And finally when I reach 300 days of no contact, I will spring for a tiara, for then I will finally be queen of my heart!