I received this very wise heartfelt response to my post the other night about my ex, "Beware of the Monsters." Please take a minute to read it if you haven't. This is a response I received via personal email. With her permission, I am sharing her wise words here. They really helped me, I hope they can help you too.
"Don't be so hard on yourself in inviting him into your life. There is no way you could've known that he came into the relationship with ulterior motives...to find sanctuary primarily, which you provided out of love. YOUR motivations were pure... you believe the best of people and he was never totally committed. He grew restless, his needs had been satisfied, he was feeling strong about striking out on his own again, because you had nourished him in so many ways, ways that made him feel confident. The signs were there, I'm sure, looking back, but I liken you to the frog in the stew pot...at first the water is warm and delightful, but degree by degree the water heats up, you adapt, until...it's too late...you have boiled to death.
And you know he didn't leave you for another woman...he left because he was never meant to stay married to you. It was simply what he had to do in order to NOT be alone in the world. It was a survival tactic. He doesn't see people as people with feelings and needs...he sees people as OPPORTUNITIES. He is programmed to seek out situations that can result in a benefit to him. I'm not saying he didn't love you, but the love he had for you was shallow. He cannot give love like normal people. He didn't receive it in his young life so he can't give it fully. He is damaged. He is a machine, prowling for...people and ways to keep him supplied, sex, food, roof, etc...
So...as far as recognizing what people are capable of...you simply can't. Not until time has passed and you have gained experience and perspective. This is the rub...recognizing it..and then removing the monster from your life. You may find yourself in this predicament again...but now you have the ability to recognize when you are not being cherished and respected. Monsters can't hide their true identity for too long you know. They show you who they are...we just have to SEE it..."
I am so honored to call this beautiful women my soul sister. I love you to the moon and back NeNe. XOXOXOXO