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  • Writer's pictureRobin WillowMoon

To the Invisible Child

Sadly we invisible children number in the many. As a child growing up I was one of those invisible children. Why invisible? Because no one saw the bruises on my body or the fearful look I held in my eyes; why I would not dress out for gym with my classmates. Adults looked away to not to see what was right there in front of them. Back in the time I was a child, what went on behind closed doors stayed behind closed doors. There were no resources for a child to turn to who lived like I did. So we learned to live in the shadows of the world outside our homes. We did what we could not to stand out, not to cause any trouble, to just blend into the background and hope no one saw our secret shame; no one saw our truth, because somehow, we thought it was our fault. There was something inherently wrong or defective with us. There had to be, because mommies are supposed to love and protect their child, not be the person who makes them feel like nothing; like a burden for them to bear.



With each blow she delivered almost daily, she chipped away at me until I felt like nothing. And the smaller I got the more invisible I became, until one day when I was seventeen I got up the courage to run and never look back. My past chased me for years. It hunted me down like a fugitive. It drove me right into the arms of another monster who mentally beat me as hard as my mother physically beat me. See that is just it, when we are so small and invisible on the inside, the moment anyone shows us any kind of love, even the kind that causes pain, we feel seen. We feel heard; so we run to it, not knowing that it’s a trap. That its just our past packaged up in a new box ready to beat the living hell out of us again. And the cycle continues – we disappear again.



I happened across this incredibly painful but beautiful song that spoke my truth, that spoke to the heart of the life I lived. If you are one of the invisible children living as an adult now, this song is for you. I am so grateful I found myself, and taught myself how to live in the light, and how to live large in love. You can do it. There is hope that comes out of the darkness. Never stop looking for it.


https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=A3sOw0_-SyU&feature=share


"I Am Not Nothing"

No one ever made me feel as small as you did No one made me feel as cursed I'd lie awake in bed just staring at the ceiling Wondering if things would get worse I was trapped under your thumb Believing when you called it love But I will forgive myself And start to let it go Accept that who you chose to be Was out of my control And though it might be hard To begin again I'll write myself a brand new story With a happy end I survived So tonight I am taking back my life And I'll show you That I am not nothing

I kept my head above the water 'Til the moment when all the elements aligned And I could fly away to heal my broken spirit And leave my demons far behind You always said that I was weak But the bravest thing I did was leave So I will forgive myself And start to let it go Accept that who you chose to be Was out of my control And though it might be hard To begin again I'll write myself a brand new story With a happy end I survived So tonight I am taking back my life And I'll show you That I am not nothing Looking up at the sky I think I see the start of a sunrise And I will forgive myself And start to let it go Accept that who you chose to be Was out of my control And though it might be hard To begin again I'll write myself a brand new story With a happy end

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