“The Narcissists New Supply” or “The Grass is not Greener on the Other Side”
Updated: Sep 9, 2018
I have gotten quite a few questions from readers about the narcissist new “Supply.” (New girl/guy friend they are now using.) Everyone seems to think they are now happier with the new supply, and are being a much better partner to them. I did as well at first. As if they somehow miraculously healed their damaged parts, grew a soul that could show empathy towards others, and actually know how to love someone, not use someone. Remember when narcs say they love you, what they are really saying is “I use you.” “I will use you all the days of my life” and so on.
So is the narc really happier with their new supply? Are they really treating them better than they did you? The short answer is no, no they are not happier in this new relationship, and no they are not treating them any better.
Think of it like this. You were once their new supply. How did they treat you? In the beginning when they are reeling us in by love bombing us, mirroring our likes, showing concern and interest in us, it felt great. Odds are they also were very good sexually as well. They often use great sex to blind our hearts from the red flags we would have seen otherwise. So in the beginning it is generally a very good happy time for the new supply; when in actuality, they are being set up for the next phase which is devaluing, gas lighting, and being manipulated for the narcs own gain.
Take pity on their new supply, because we all know what comes next. If you can see them on social media, watch how they start going from being really happy and posting how in love they are with their new partner and how lucky they are to have met them, to aging right before your eyes. How once they posted mushy love memes and now they are posting memes about the unfairness in love, or like “If a Man really loved a woman he would……fill in the blank.”
In the end remember people don’t change unless they have gone through something big that makes them change, when they have no choice but to change. As we go through the pain of moving on from their damage, hopefully we all change, and learn to love ourselves first so we never have to go through this experience again. It’s the same for them, only they have no reason to change. They simply changed their supply person. So no, they are not any happier, because they are generally not happy people to begin with, and they have not changed. This new supply will get the same person you did with all of their not very pleasing behaviors; the silent treatment, the snarky comments about you or your beliefs, the blatant manipulation of your reality, and so on.
They don’t change who they are, but we can. We can learn to love and honor ourselves, install healthy kind loving boundaries, and move forward in our lives. I just love this expression, “If life can remove someone you never dreamed of losing; it can replace them with someone you never dreamt of having.” So go work on you, learn to love you, so that when this new wonderful person comes into your life, you are ready for them. It all starts with you.