I have been doing some more studying up on NPD – Narcissistic Personality Disorder – and got quite deep into the “scapegoat” roll they place us in. The really funny thing was that for some reason, I had just updated my FaceBook cover photo to a goat in a truck – and then the next day started reading about the role of the goat to a narcissist. I just love synchronicity.
First let me start by saying you have to be incredibly strong to be the scapegoat to a narcissist. As the scapegoat you will bear the blame, the rage, the guilt, and the anger of the partner with NPD. Basically you will become their emotional punching bag. We won’t even realize we have been put into this roll, as we will be trying to help them and to hold the relationship together. All the while they will be using us to boost their feelings of superiority over us for being dumb enough to love them and take their abuse. See how they turn that around. They view us a weak, which only fuels their contempt for us.
So you might be asking, how do they know if you will make a good scapegoat. How do they choose me? If you have any of these eight traits - you make a great goat:
· Self Sacrificing
· Empathy to the umpth degree
· Looking for External Validation
· Lack of self love/worth
The more of these you have, the better goat you will be. I had all eight of these traits, so I made an excellent goat for my NPD ex.
So how do you get out of this role? Awareness is the first step. Realize you are a scapegoat. Identify the traits that keep you in this role and work on them.
I have learned to love myself, and value myself. I am forgiving of my past failures because they all came from a place of self loathing in me. I show myself regular dollops of compassion and empathy. So how attractive of a goat do I make now? Hmmmmm I will give myself a .5 from the total of eight, as I am still working on my co-dependency issues, but getting stronger with setting boundaries every day as I train to be a life coach. All of the other 7 traits I no longer have or have learned to protect them and share them with me first so a person with NPD will see I will not be easily duped anymore. Yeah! My goat days are sooooo over!