Take Care You

A hallmark sign of someone who loves themselves is someone who takes care of themselves. They get enough sleep, eat well, exercise, and limit their exposure to stress. Then there is the rest of us, who get by on to little sleep, gas up our bodies with donuts and coffee in the morning, and the only exercise we get is when our heart rate gets jacked up from too much caffeine and stress!

I have always been a poor sleeper. Add in obsessively thinking about the demise of my relationship with the ex “Narc;” and the ever churning thoughts of what could I have done differently, my sleep pattern is now even worse than before.

Recently it was suggested to me that I start listening to HZ Meditation Music at night as a fall asleep. I am also trying exercise some type of control over my monkey mind. I have a habit of sliding my foot across the sheets to comfort myself as I fall asleep. With that I generally chant something over and over silently in my head – again to calm myself. This was a coping skill I learned growing up in my abusive dysfunctional home.

I found myself the other night chanting in my head, “Mike’s new girlfriend, Mike’s new girlfriend.” (His name has not been changed so as to not protect his innocence.) I repeated this over and over for about 5 minutes, before I stopped myself and was like, what the hell are you saying you psycho chick. Why on earth would you chant that of all things? So I quickly thought of something else to chant, and drifted off to sleep. I tend to wake up every couple of hours for various reasons, and then I have to repeat this entire process all over again. Needless to say, I am sleeping even less than I did before, and it has definitely weakened my immune system.

So here I am tonight with a summer cold; Sore throat, ear ache, and just that all over “yuck” feeling. This is why it is so important to take extra special care of yourself as you go through the trauma of letting go of the narcissist. Sleep deprivation, ruminating over the loss, not eating right, and then “Bam” summer cold hits.

As I drug myself to sleep tonight with some good nighttime cold medicine, and fire up an HZ meditation track on YouTube as I get into bed, I will try to remember to start off the evening chants, with something good, Like I love me, I love me, and I love nighttime cold tablets too!