Revisiting an Old Memory
This past week a particular memory has been playing through my mind. I often tell my clients when you need to distance your emotions from an event in your life, try watching it as a movie playing in your head, and see what your reaction or thoughts about the event. It's a great way to get in touch with your gut feeling about something without having to "feel" it.
Case in point, my ex felt it best to come by my office to tell me he was leaving our seven year marriage to purse his "career" in Florida working for Coca Cola. I have to laugh at that one many fronts. Mind you, his "career" had consisted of sponging off of me for two and a half years, not working at all; and then getting a series of part time jobs because I stopped paying for his lifestyle of playing tennis and online chess. During the seven years he contributed nothing to the marriage or to me. It was all very one sided, but hey I was blinded by toxic love.
What really sticks with me is what kind of a person it takes to come and end a marriage with someone at their place of employment. I never really understood just how cowardly a move that was until I was able to look at it without any emotion; to see it just for what it was.....a cowards way out. He knew by telling me at my office that I would not make a scene. A normal person would have waited till I got home from work to drop this kind of a bomb on someone. But as we all know narcissists are not normal people, and come from a place of complete selfishness.
If you play that one out in a "mind" movie, of course Sandra Bullock is playing the role of Willow, and Mike is being played by a homeless version of Gordon Ramsay, you can see just how cruel, heartless and cowardly a move that was. To come to someones office to announce you are leaving the marriage to move to Florida in two weeks. He in essence, gave me a two weeks notice - much like an employee would, only he was my HUSBAND.
At the time I was so hurt and devastated that I missed the most important part of this entire event. Looking back at this memory now with clearer vision, I can see it for what it was; a selfish act of a coward. I am finally in a place of peace about this. I am actually happy now that he is out of my life and some other poor souls problem. He will be their teacher as well, just like he was mine.
I am so glad I learned that lesson, and that now when these memories drift into my head, there is no more pain in my heart, just a clear vision of who and what he was.