I spent some time talking with a friend tonight wondering if we will ever fall in love again. We are both more “middle to aged” women and have had our share of husbands or serious relationships. As we hung up I started thinking about what kind of man would have to enter my life in order for me to want to date again.
He would have to be honest. I have had enough “fake emotions” and bullshit liars in my relationships to last a lifetime. He would have to not “need” me for any of his cost of living expenses; so that said, he would need to be gainfully employed or retired with his own nest egg, own his own car, own home, his own bank account, his own credit, his own cell phone, etc. My XNarc apparently had me confused with a pack mule as I basically supported him for the seven years we were married. God forbid he would ever take his wallet out to pay for anything.
This new man would have to want to spend quality time with me. I don’t need quantity, as I have a busy full life now, but I do expect quality time. He would have to want to take me out to dinner and pay the bill (I would reciprocate occasionally) and surprise me with little gifts every now and again. I don’t even want flowers as I have two cats that would eat them. I am a very generous person, so I would require this person to be my equal in this area and well quite frankly in all the other areas as well.
I want a man who has fixed his “issues” or is close to having them worked on. I don’t need to be your mommy or therapist, or whipping post. He would need to be mentally healthy, physically healthy (for his age), and know how to laugh. He would need to be kind to me, to others, and to animals. He would need to speak to me kindly and lovingly.
Sadly, these were all things lacking in my last marriage. So I clearly learned what I don’t want anymore. I have lived that life, bought the t-shirt and don’t need to go down that road again.
The point I wanted to make tonight is that I am not waiting for this magic man to appear and make my life full and happy. I am doing those things for myself now, so my life is becoming full and quite happy. OMG, I am going to date myself because I am just who I was looking for my whole life! I will be the answer!
I have always loved this song and while I was writing this piece tonight, it came on all by itself . In the beautiful words of Sarah McLachlan:
I will be the answer at the end of the line I will be there for you while you take the time In the burning of uncertainty I will be your solid ground I will hold the balance if you can't look down If it takes my whole life I won't break I won't bend It'll all be worth it worth it in the end 'Cause I can only tell you what I know That I need you in my life When the stars have all gone out You'll still be burning so bright Cast me gently into morning For the night has been unkind Take me to a place so holy That I can wash this from my mind The memory of choosing not to fight
If it takes my whole life I won't break I won't bend It'll all be worth it worth it in the end 'Cause I can only tell you what I know That I need you in my life When the stars have all gone out You'll still be burning so bright Cast me gently into morning for the night has been unkind
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