I was told by a very wise person to make a list of all of the qualities I would want in my dream man and then become those things for myself. What??????? How can that be?
So I started my list open to the possibility of what she said is true. Good mental health is number one on the list because of the ex narc. So do I have good mental health – well I am working on learning to love me, so I will give myself a half a point there and keep working at it. Also I am on really good antidepressants since the divorce, and those seem to be helping nicely.
Number two is a man who does not lie to me. Hmmm, am I lying to myself….well yes….I lie to myself every time I think about my ex narc and miss him and hope he will wake up to the fact that I am awesome and he is sorry for what he did. After researching and understanding the mind of a narcissist, I know this won’t happen. He won’t magically heal his shit, become a nice guy and come back. Lying to myself – ah yeah, big time.
What else would I want in my perfect man? Someone who makes me laugh – Check – I crack myself up often. A man who is respectful, kind, and caring. Wow, I have to say, I am not very kind and caring to me, so why should my future guy be? If I can’t be respectful and love myself, why should he? I have much work to do it seems. I am learning if I don’t set the bar for how I want to be treated and reflect that out into the world, why would the next guy treat me any better than I treat myself? Here’s the truth, he won’t.
I now am embracing this idea to become my own dream love. I will continue to work on my list and myself until I see my dream mate staring back at me in the mirror. Then and only then will I allow myself to open the door to new love. I don’t want another narcissist in my life, and neither should you. We are worth more than that!
They say the people in your life are mirrors for your mental health and level of self love – what are your mirrors reflecting back to you? Where do you need to do better for you?
Please pick up your pencils and mirrors and let’s begin.