Letting Go = Love
I have been teaching, preaching, and writing about self love for awhile now. Yesterday, I put all my money where my mouth is and resigned from my job I have had for just over seven years.
I have never done anything like that before. I was always one of those grind it out workers who ate the crap thrown at them by management and did a good job in spite of it all. No raise this year....fine by me - I'm just happy to have a job. No extra help during the pandemic, fine by me....I'm just happy to have a job. Hey, we are selling your office to someone else.....fine by me...I'm just happy to have a job. Hey new management says even though we promised you the same salary during the sale of the business, we are cutting your salary by $8000 per year....fine be me.....I'm just happy to have a job. And on and on it went till yesterday.
I feel like I finally woke up out of the final coma I was in. Since my home life has always been a train wreck due to my lack of self love and choosing horrible partners, I focused on my work. I built a wonderful career over the past forty years for someone who has no college education. I was implanted firmly in middle management where you get to get shit on from both upper management and the people you serve, but I was making good bank, was able to support myself nicely and even have a a few of life's nicer things at my disposal.
So I asked myself the other night, do you love yourself enough to give it all up; the disrespect of poor management, being in healthcare - the disrespect of some of the people we serve under the guise of they are stressed out and cannot control their behavior. Well guess what, we front line workers are stressed out as well for the same reasons and still have to come in to work everyday and deal with your abhorrent behavior.
I have never just went in and resigned a job with no notice like this. Well truth be told I did walk out on my McDonalds job when I was sixteen. LOL I just had to do it. With more time behind me than in front of me, why sink more of my heart and soul in a job that just stole from me everyday. So here I sit at home, my office contents of seven years laying around me on the floor, much like the fall out from a storm the blew through, feeling a bit unnerved but ready to challenge myself for this new chapter of my life; living it. No more hiding behind a desk and demands, but really living it every day.
It sounds weird to have to challenge yourself to just "be" in the world - To just stop and connect with nature, books, and all the beauty this world still has left to offer - but I am willing to take it on. And when the hebbie jebbies creep in, I will write about it, maybe start doing yoga like I have always wanted to and just be...................Namaste
Here is a great article: