Two nights ago I found myself talking with the ex-husband. It was a true turning point in my healing. For the first time I was able to speak with him and not be left feeling anything. Really…..nothing; not joy, not sadness, not anger…….nothing.
I took control of the conversation right from the get go; letting him know about some positive changes happening in my life. He asked me how I had energy to do all I was doing and I said without thinking, it was because I was happy for the first time in a long time. OMG, I really am happy. Being happy gives me extra energy to be able to work a full time job, write my blog, and meet with my clients on the weekends.
He said he had been looking at pictures of “us” recently. I told him I was proud of my part in our relationship, because I had been a good wife to him. I was able to say that with no bitterness or hidden agenda in my tone, because I didn’t have one. It was just a statement of fact. I did add that I knew the relationship went south when I asked him to get at job because I wouldn’t support him doing nothing anymore. To that he said he had to get back to work.
Somewhere in the middle of our brief conversation he did mention that he had put an offer in on a condo. I asked if his Norma Jean would be moving with him, to which he replied, no – that she was not relationship material for him. He was just killing time with her till he found his own place. Poor old Norma Jean. Maybe I will call her after he leaves her and let her know his ex’s have formed a club. Turns out we are all really great women who just got scammed by the same guy.
I am just really happy that the conversation did not upset my emotional balance at all. It’s easier now because I have realized down to my bones that I was just another victim to him, never a love. I am strong so I can survive the blow, he however will have to face his Karma one day. Ouch!
If I get the urge to think of him now, or feel anything about him, I am able to remind myself he doesn’t miss me or think about me in any meaningful way, because I never meant anything to him. So why would I want to have someone in my life who doesn’t want me.
I am proud of who I was in that relationship. I was funny, kind, caring, generous, and loving. All things I now give myself.
It is becoming a wonderful life.