His Lame-Ass Memory
It’s been two days since I came to the realization that the man I fell in love with has passed away. In those two days with this new mindset, I have planted some new day lilies in my garden (hmm-mm day lilies, was I secretly planting lilies for his grave site?), purchased a front porch rocking chair for me to enjoy my morning coffee and a good book, and fell into a really good deal on a new “pre-owed” car. Two days – just two days of letting him go and look how my life has changed so much for the better. I actually woke up happy this morning.
I can’t even imagine why I dragged his lame ass memory around all of this time. Four hundred and eight days of my life I can’t get back, wasted on feeling sad about his leaving. Lord knows he wasted none of those days feeling bad that he threw me away. I won’t be upset with myself though, because all of this has been leading me to this moment of healing. Apparently I was not going to learn this any other way.
I listened to a FaceBook Live presentation today from one of my favorite healers, Jay Shetty about making peace with your past so you can enjoy your future. Don’t you just love synchronicity. He asked the participants to think of something from their past that was holding them back that they can respond to differently now. By doing this, changing your reaction to that same situation now, you can really heal it and release it.
Initially my thought was it is the physical beatings I took as a child that left their scars on my heart and soul. I don’t have children and I don’t beat up anyone so how can I react differently now than how I did back then. Back then all I could do was let it happen; I was just a child. Then it hit me as he spoke. What I can do differently now, is to not let people emotionally batter me anymore; in doing that I take my power back and can heal from those childhood wounds. Wow!!!!
So what is holding you back and keeping you stuck in your past. What would you do differently now – because after looking at my own life, I can see where I was still getting beat, just in a different way. Where is your wound showing up in your life now? It’s hard to dig in an open up some of these old wounds, but I don’t think we can really be free from them till we do.
I am so very grateful for the mindset switch that has come over me. Am I sad that my marriage is over, yes; but at least now I can remember the happy times we had in the beginning, and not allow his memory to emotional beat me up anymore. I can take my power back and set myself free.