Fun With Flags
Updated: Feb 25, 2019
We all see them; the red flags waving all around them……and most of us - smart as we are - ignore them. Why? Why do smart people, men and women, ignore the giant red flags waving them away from the train wreck they are about to get involved with.
Some of the most common ones are:
· If no one in your circle likes them…..red flag
· If they have no friends……..red flag
· If their past relationships did not end well or are not resolved……red flag
· If they lie about their past, or what they are doing now….no trust…..red flag
· Lack of concern for your well being or feelings…..red flag
· Abusive or controlling behavior towards you or others…..red flag
· Disrespectful to you or your friends, property, time, anything really……red flag
I can look at this list and see all the red flags I didn’t want to see when I met the ex narc, Mike. No one in my circle liked him or thought it was a good idea for me to date him. I even got a call from a girl he dated before me. She warned me not to get involved with him because he “presents well, but there is nothing to back it up. “ Boy was she right. But did I listen, hell no. That red flag was beating me on the head, and yet I still ran headlong into that relationship. Even if she was just a psycho ex girlfriend, the fact that that relationship didn’t end well….red flag.
While I understand nobody is perfect, when you see a cluster of these flags flapping in the breeze around your new guy/gal……run. Run as fast as you can in the other direction. We cannot fix them. No amount of love can fix them. When we allow ourselves to fall in love with one of these red flag waivers, we pay for it dearly. Run in the beginning of the relationship before you get to much invested or in to deep. You are going to face pain in these types of relationships – it’s guaranteed, so face it now or face it later….but face it you will.
I love to tell people this story. My Xnarc had three friends he knew since his childhood. One would think on the surface that is great. Well one would be wrong. The first one I heard about was a crack addict and worked for a traveling circus….LOLOLOL, you can’t make this shit up. The second one spent time jail, and then spent his money from his high paying job in the nuclear energy field (I don’t know how he pulled that off) on women less than half his age. The last one, and this is my personal, favorite is in his sixties – never been married or had sex. This is the one my dumb-ass XNarc took marital advice from him – he was the one who told my ex to tell me I was no longer attractive since I gained weight, and my dumb-ass XNarc repeated it to me – Brilliant! This guy says he is also having a secret affair with Taylor Swift. He said she sends him secret signals through her concert DVD’s. That is just rich! And with these people as his friends, I still stayed.
I know we all just want to be loved. We all want someone to light us up on the inside, someone we can laugh with, grow old with, count on to be there when the going gets tough…..well let me tell you….these people won’t be there for you. They will just make your life harder as they disappoint you, hurt you, and leave you.
Be the person you want to fall in love with. Be all those wonderfully kind supportive things you want in a partner to yourself. Clean up your red flags, take them down and discard them.
Love you first – always and forever. Then and only then are we truly ready for someone else.