Forgiveness

The Heart of the Matter has to be one of my most favorite Don Henley songs.

“There are people in your life Who've come and gone They let you down You know they've hurt your pride You better put it all behind you baby 'Cause life goes on You keep carryin' that anger It'll eat you up inside baby

I've been trying to get down To the heart of the matter But my will gets weak And my thoughts seem to scatter But I think it's about forgiveness Forgiveness Even if, even if you don't love me anymore.”

The reason I bring this up tonight is I understand in order to heal, I must forgive the ex. Much as I would like to say I hate him for what he did to me, it helps me to remember we are all connected, and that Karma can smack you upside your head if you dwell in negative thoughts. What you send out – you get back.

I find myself having moments of still loving him, followed by moments of hating him, when all I really need to do is to forgive him and let him go from my heart. I am starting to see the value in the lesson he taught me. I understand if I don’t love myself, I am just doomed to another horrible relationship. I don’t need another one of those; I already have one of those with myself.

Part of loving me is going to have to include forgiving him. That is so very hard to say, but I know it’s the truth. So here goes…I forgive you Michael for walking out of our marriage, and for using me for seven years. I forgive you for causing me the worst pain I have ever lived through in this life, and believe me, I have lived through some pain. I forgive you for breaking me into a million pieces as you left, leaving me to try and put it all back together. I understand how broken you are, and understand you were my mirror of just how broken I am.

As I forgive him, I realize I am going to have to forgive myself as well. I forgive you Willow for not seeing your own value and staying in a relationship far too long with someone who clearly didn’t love you. I forgive you Willow for not having the strength and courage to leave during the first year when you figured this out. I forgive you Willow for lying to yourself, and hoping it would somehow get better. I forgive you Willow for turning against yourself and thinking you were unlovable because that is what you were taught as a child. I forgive you for not knowing you are lovable, your Mother was broken and didn’t know how to love. That was not your fault.. You were just a kid when that lesson was taught to you. You just didn’t know a lie when you heard one back then. I forgive you Willow for not knowing so many things.

As I let these words settle in my heart, I think I am beginning to feel some peace for the first time in a long time. I am just going to sit with this tonight and let it steep in my heart as I listen to The Heart of the Matter/Forgiveness.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBJUTm9ez0g