As I talk to more and more people about coming out of a relationship with a narcissist, it seems like we all have a much harder time at night dealing with the fight between our hearts and our heads. If it’s been a few months since your breakup, your head see’s the reality of the situation; they lured you in with lies, kept you hooked by "hoovering" you back in with sweet promises and empty words of how they are going to try to change, only to slam you down again. It’s a calculated game they play to reinforce their control over their “supply.” Your heart only wants to remember the good times, thus keeping you stuck in this fight.
What helps me during these times is to get on YouTube and just listen to the plethora of channels that talk about the breakup with the Narc, the Hoovering from the Narc, the Narc’s new Supply, Is your Narc Happier without you? As it turns out, if we remember correctly, they weren’t happy when we met them, so they are no happier now. They are not happier with their new “Supply” either. Their target is happy while they are getting love bombed, but in time, he/she will be in the exact same painful place you were, and your Narc will be just as miserable as ever.
I used to call the ex Narc “Eeyore” (from Winnie the Pooh) because he was always complaining about something. It was either too hot or too cold. Today he liked steak, tomorrow he didn't, and everything, I mean everything was always better in Florida. So when the argument between my heart and head starts up, I remind my heart of the reality of what it was like living with him. How most days I was not happy in this relationship.
If you are still in your relationship with the Narc, an easy way to litmus test you happiness quotient is to keep a little calendar at your bedside. Every night put a happy face on the days you are mostly happy in the relationship, a sad face, a crying face, or an angry face on days you were not, based on the overall feelings of the day. It’s a telling testament to the way you feel with your mate. It’s is hard to let your heart win the fight with your head at night when you see 25 sad/angry/crying faces and 5 happy ones at the end of the month.
Game, Set, Match ….. Head!
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