I am grappling today with my thoughts about him. I have this gnawing need to make him feel something. Anything other than the disgust he is so easily in touch with. I am talking about the EX. I have gotten myself into this place in my head where I just wish he could feel the impact on the people he has lied to, used, screwed over, and more. I am not just talking about his ex wives, and ex girlfriends, I am including his daughter as well. I want so badly to make him feel the weight of all of the pain he caused to others.
Why? Why am I pushing my thoughts so hard in my head to make this happen? I even set up an email account last night using a fake name and was going to send him a piece of my mind and pretend it came from one of my friends. But luckily I slept on that brilliant idea, and in the light of the morning, I realized how stupid it was. As if one well written email would wake up the sleeping jackass after all these years. ……60 of them to be exact.
So I guess I am going to have to work through letting the anger go. He may never wake up to all the hurt and pain he has caused others in his lifetime, and sadly he is not done yet. Much as I want to see him get his “Karma Pudding”, I am going to have to accept that it will come when the universe wants it to come, not just because I am angry today.
Maybe it would be a good day to take up shadow boxing. I can pretend I am swinging at him, and hope to get this angry energy out of me. I wish was like Mrs. Potato head. I always laugh when I think of the line from Toy Story where she says (in that wonderful voice by Estelle Harris) “ I am packing an extra pair of shoes and my angry eyes just in case!” If only it was that easy – if only we could just take off our angry eyes, put on our fun eyes and let all the pain go.
If only.........
Comentários