Updated: Feb 25, 2019
A few nights ago after talking with my ex I received a text message asking me since my job situation was about to change could I now move to Florida. This is my reply should I ever choose to send it.
You asked me the other night could I move to Florida now with this new position. Well here is my answer. If…..
If….if we had still been together in a real marriage, not a roommate situation at your doing, I would have worked to make that happen. If you had stood by our marriage and been a kind and loving husband, I would have moved heaven and earth to get you where you wanted to be . I would have made that compromise for you….. if only you could have been a better man.
If you had not dashed out of here with a two week notice, our lives would be so very different. But you did; so we won’t ever know what “If” would have meant to our marriage or to our lives as they once were.
If only you had not left I would have never made my home in to what it is now. Each room that has been lovingly remodeled is now a reflection of who I am - colorful, playful, full of layers and surprise. Yep, that’s me!
If you had not left, I would have never learned how to live without you, but you did, so I have. You taught me well. You forced me to learn a lesson I didn’t sign up for, but I am a good student, smart and strong, so I learned that hard lesson thanks to you.
If only you hadn’t left, my new roommate would have never have had space to be in my life. She is kind and loving and funny, wounded and beautiful just like me. You already knew my other roommate, having spent time with him before you left. I used to joke that you loved him more than you ever loved me, but it was the truth, and that hurt. My home now has three beautiful souls that live in harmony and peace along with two crazy amazing cats. It is a safe, warm, loving place to be, and I love that.
If you had never left, I would have never started my blog and found a renewed passion in my writing. It’s one of my most favorite times of the day when I get to sit and write from my heart. As I read the private emails that I get from my readers, it touches my heart to know that my pain and growth is helping others navigate theirs. What a gift that is to this old soul.
I sometimes wonder how my life would have been if we had never met. For a long time I thought it would be better, but after some time of reflection I see all that I would have missed……If.